We are more than 1/3 of the way through 2012. As you may remember, at the end of 2011, I posted a rather lofty list of goals that I wanted to accomplish this year (If you don’t remember, here is the link: http://musings-from-melmac.blogspot.com/2011/12/lotta-mo-betta.html). Here’s what I’ve learned about myself since then.

#1: January is one of the worst possible times for me to attempt anything life-changing. Winter in general is just not my season. Ever heard of SAD? Seasonal Affective Disorder. I am on medication daily for depression (a topic I plan to write about later this year), but my symptoms are always worse when the weather turns cold and the days get shorter. Maybe this would explain my failure in the past to stick with New Year’s resolutions…well, that, and the fact that I’m chronically lazy. Also, January to March are the three busiest months for Metro Nashville Chorus. Regional contest is at the end of March, so extra rehearsals for us AND my quartet are thrown in during those months. When you add to that mix that I have a couple of different leadership roles in this organization AND we had a very successful membership drive at the end of January (I am the Membership Coordinator), I felt like I had little energy to devote to anything else for a while. I’m so easily overwhelmed, that the stress becomes crippling to me. I don’t want this to sound bad. I absolutely LOVE singing with this fantastic group of women! Those busy periods for us are temporary and few, and when we see what we’ve accomplished, the hard work is completely rewarding for all involved.

#2: I don’t handle criticism well. Getting those goals down and publishing the post made me feel a little like Jerry Maguire after writing his “mission statement”. I panicked a bit, knowing that everyone was watching to see if I’d actually follow through. Yes, I did say at the end of that post that people were welcomed to hold me accountable. Now, I realize I should never had said such. Truth be told, there are VERY few people from whom I can take criticism. I take a chance by writing this blog and showing my personality on Facebook. To make myself so bare and vulnerable like this, I guess I should have a thicker skin. I don’t, and I’ve begun to wonder if the pain with the fallout is worth the risk I take. I can’t keep people from expressing their opinions about me, but I won’t be offering any open invitations to do so again. In the future, I will have designated “accountability partners”. On the other hand, I will take encouragement and praise from almost anyone. I may not always believe you, but feel free to try. 🙂

I hope these don’t sound like excuses, though I guess they kind of are. I’m just trying to figure out where I’ve gone wrong and how to do this better in the future. I’d like to focus on the positive for a bit, so I don’t think I will give a status update goal by goal. Instead, here’s what I HAVE accomplished.
#1: I have managed to keep up a “Thankfulness Journal”
#2: I have made great strides in getting my photo albums up to date. The 2012 Family Album is current, as are both of the kids’ school albums!
#3: I’ve tried to improve relationships by texting more, and my hens are making monthly dates to get together.
#4: After a couple of very difficult months (that I WON’T be talking about here), I’ve become more keenly aware how fragile the the mother/daughter relationship is. I’ve begun counseling that I hope will help me be a better mom to my soon-to-be teenage daughter.

And now, for your reading pleasure, here is the next installment of my Thankfulness Journal. Enjoy!

Day 68- An awesome dentist and hygienist that’s gotten me over my dentist phobia
Day 69- Redbud trees have started blooming